Wouldn't it be nice?

"If we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long. And wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?"

That was dedicated to myself. Because there's nobody else to dedicate it. And there will never be.

I feel like shit right now. I feel unimportant and ugly and boring person. Well, I guess I am that kind of person. My friends are always so much more popular and liked. And they keep on telling me how pretty, nice etc. etc. I am, but it makes that harder to believe because I'm always standing by and watching how every guy lays their eyes on them and never see me -or then they see me just as a friend. If I was a guy then I would be the "mr. Nice guy" who is fun company and a good friend but never anything else. Sigh. What do my friends have that I don't have that makes them sooooo attractive? Of what's the matter in me that makes me so unattractive? I try to be joyful and social and smile a lot and try to do everything that my friends do. I try to look as pretty as I can. And what happens? Guys tell my Friends that They are pretty and that they like them! That's unfair.

So, currently I don't bother to believe in real love or that it would happen to me. It is just a foolish thing that makes people go crrrrazy. That won't happen to me. Nope. Not anymore. I don't want to get fooled and disappointed once again.

But why are guys like that? I mean, they let girls (or just me...) expect that they might love them and then when they've had their fun just make up some excuse so they don't need to carry on with that girl. Or then act that way that they would care -and then say that they like somebody else! That's stupid.

So, these are the things that are rushing in my mind right  now. I won't be telling you what caused these thoughts because it might be too personal...

But it seriously Would be nice to have a person to dream and plan the future with...
The Beach Boys - Wouldn't it be nice

And this might be a good ending. Next time My sweet little darlings will be here, I promise!
So good night, until then...

Long time, no seen

Sorry, I haven't been writing here for a loooooong long time! I've been just so freaking busy and my head is empty.

So, exam week. Today was English exam, tomorrow geography preparation and on thursday geography exam... I seriously think I'm gonna screw all of my exams. I mean it. I haven't read anything. Well, maybe I'll survive... At least I can enjoy that I can sleep late and Ådon't need to be in school more than just 1-3 hours. And it won't kill me.

I want a boyfriend. I've been dreaming about perfect guys for like a month. It's just that I'm so shy that I cannot go to talk to guys. They make me nervus. Always. Well, of course there are couple of exceptions. But if we don't count them, then I'm absolutely not able to talk to any guys. Sigh. Depressing. And usually it's so that I can't even look into their eyes or Smile to them. I makes me nervous even I wouldn't like that guy That Way. Another sigh. I'm hopeless. Truly I'm going to be a forever alone.

I should go to sleep. But I don't want to. I'm not sleepy. But I either have anything to say. Sigh. Wy am I sighing all the time?

I drew this thing today:

This is how I feel when I see some happy couple.
Of course I don't want to steal her boyfriend or anything, I just want to be that happy.

And now it's time for the last song and then I'll go to bed... Hmm...
Blondie - Call me

Yeah sure. You just don't have my number so too bad :P
Good night!

Thinking and baking (almost) and doing silly things

I have totally fallen in love with braids! I love making them and I try to create some new ways to make them. I just wish that my hair would grow faster... Now it barely reaches my shoulders. Well, patience, patience...
  And now I think you might be interested in how's my school started? I've been there now for a week and still alive! But I have to admit that IB is very different than upper secondary school/high school or whatever is the parallel English word for Finnish lukio. Whatever, you still understand what I'm talking about, right?
  Yes, and now about my class. There are eleven of us in my group and we're going to spend the next three years together so I just can't wait that day when I can name the member of our odd family (like who's the mum and who's the dad etc. etc.)... *evil grin* I think I'm going to have a little vision of how it would look like... I would be the crazy "not in my time..." -kind of granny! xD Yep, right. I think I gotta start knitting in the lessons...
 
And now I started to think about baking... I want to make rolls! Yes! That's what I'm gonna do! Right away! Oh, what did you say? We have no flour? And yeast? Oh... Hey! Are you trying to make me stay in the net? No? Don't you dare lie to me!

Five minutes later

Okay, I don't start doing them now... It's too late, nobody couldn't eat them tonight cause the supper is now. Why do these wonderful ideas come to my mind always so late? Well, tomorrow I could ask mum to go and buy some flours and yeast so I can bake after school. Niceee... Thanks mum! I love you! <3

Winnie: Hello folks! Have you heard that Her old crush is in the same school building as she? And now she's making some stupid dreams in her head like-
Kitty: ...aaaand that's enough about that thing!
Derby: I just can't understand her... There are two hot guys in her class and she just starts to dream about her old crush... Not in my days... *slurps her tea*
Winnie: And What On Earth has happened to you?? TEA??? Where's the champagne?
Kitty: Seriously Derby, are you okay?
Derby: I am just fine, thank you for asking.
Kitty: Stop imitating that stupid British accent!
Peter: Is there something bad about it, Kitty-darling?
Kitty: Don't you start that too Pete... I'm warning you!
Milly: Peter?
Peter: Yeah?
Milly: You're here?
Peter: It's not so big miracle....
Milly: But... I haven't seen you in a while... Where have you been?
Peter: Ohhhh, did you miss me, Milly-Moe? *ruffles up her hair*
Milly: Oh.. No! I was just wondering! *runs away*
Peter: Yo, kitten! I was planning to go to see Kev some day.
Kitty: Haven't I told you often enough NOT to call me that way??? And go! I won't miss you!


They're always arguing. Like me and my little brother. And just to let you know: I don't like tea! I don't know how Derby can drink that kind of shit...

And this is how I feel right now: "One, two, three, four, canI have little more? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, I love you..."

Beatles - All together now
(Derby: And of course: "...Can I bring my friend to tea?"
Kitty: You shut up...) 

Love is... is it?

Hello Milly. 
 
I bet you look gorgeous. I saw you also when you came here. Sorry for taking so long time to wrote back. Your letter was really sweet and I like to meet you. we can go out together sometime, when its okey for you of course. What are you thinking about evening together, maybe for a movie or romantic dinner?  Waiting for your reply. 
 
Your Kevin.

Milly: *blushed* (whispers) Oh... my... goodness...
Derby: Heyyy, Milly-darling, what's the matter?
Milly: Noth- WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU EATING?
Derby: What...? Ooooh, you meant This! Well it's just sauerkraut. The best in the world! Kitty and Peter brought it from EStonia, wanna have some?
Milly: Ugh! For God's sake NO! Take it away from me! It's just disgusting!
Derby: Whatever you want... *leaves the room rolling her eyes*
Kitty: Hey, Milly-Moe! Could you help me with these math excercises?
Milly: Why don't you o and ask from Miss G? You know that I'm better with languages!
Kitty: Oh... Well sorry I bothered you... *leaves the room staring at Milly as she was out of her mind*
Poppy: Milly...
Milly: WHAT NOW?! Why is everyone coming here right now? There's Miss G if you want some help! I Need Some Privacy!
Poppy: But... *whimper*
Milly: Just leave...

Later on...

Michela: Umm, Milly...?
Milly: *quails* Wh-What?
Michela: You alright?
Milly: Sure...
Michela: What do you have there?
Milly: N-Nothing...
Michela: Oh come on! Show me now!
Milly: Well okay... *hands Michela a letter*
Michela: ...look gorgeous... sweet... go out sometime... dinner... MILLY! This is amazing! He wants to see you! Oh hun, this is totally terrific! I can just imagine you and Kevin in a romantic dinner... Oh...
Milly: Michi, PLEASE! Don't start planning our wedding right away! What if it's just a joke?
Michela: Oh stop it! Of course it's not! Now we just gotta answer to that letter... Let me see...
Milly: Michi... umm... Waht  are you doing?
Michela: Looking for a pen and a paper of course!
Milly: We can't write it now! I got English homework to do!
Michela: Who said that You are going to write it?
Milly: But-
Michela: Shush! Now you start doing that homework!
Milly: But-
Michela: Be quiet now or I'll tell to Derby!
Milly: Okay...
Michela: Good boy! *pats Milly's head* So let me see... Dear Kevin... No! So worn! Umm... My dearest Kevin... Yes! *muttering* ...next sunday... movies... *muttering* YES!
Milly: *looks confused*
Michela: It's ready my love!
Milly: What does it say? *takes the paper*

My dearest Kevin!
Thank you for your reply, it's okay that it was a bit late. At least you answered! So how about this: let's meet on the next Sunday in front of the cinema at 7.30 PM. After that we could go to eat something. Does it sound nice? 
Looking forward to your answer!

Truly yours, Milly


Milly: I CAN'T SEND HIM SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!
Michela: Well, I can!

Lady M: MICHELA! MILLY! TO BED! IMMEDIATELY!!

Yup... That's what's happening inside my head... Too tired to write anything about myself! Sorry folks! 

I think I gotta take a walk to the river of dreams...
Billy Joel - River of dreams

Good night!

(Want to see Kevin's reaction to the letter Milly sent him before? Take a look in here! http://ebony-darkshadow.blogspot.fi/2012/08/alters-with-letter.html )

Flashes from my thoughts

Hi folks! There are only four days left of my summer holiday. I will start in a new school on 14th day. Eeep! Creepy. I'm scared and distressed. But also very excited!

I spent a week at my grand mother's. Was it nice? Yeess. I watched the Olympics with my grandfather, went to help my 9-year old cousin with their new kitten (TOO SWEET!! <3<3<3) and yesterday we went picking wild raspberries. Yummy! And most of the week I spent knitting knitting knitting... I knit wool socks! It's lovely. I've made now two socks and now I just need to make pairs to them. Niceee...

Tomorrow, hopefully, I'll go to help my friend while she's moving to another town. That's scary, she's just 16! Now I'll lose a friend to the great and creative people there... Snif. So sad.

I'm so sorry, but I have nothing to say right now. I'll try to write something clever before the school starting day. Or on that day. You might be curious to know how did my first day at school go and how I feel about it.

And now I've let my darlings for a little holiday o they won't be sayin' anything today... Sorry.

About a year ago I fell in love with Spice Girls. Then I listened to it too much and forgot everything very quickly. Now yesterday I just started to think about this beautiful song:

Spice Girls - Viva forever

It is just beautiful, I'll never get over it.
And also this...

Spice Girls - Too much

"I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can..."









Poppy: *wakes up* Um... Where is everybody? Lady Madonna? Kitty? Miiichiii? Anyone? Hello...?

Used to dream on...

Hello you lovely people!
It's almost 10.30 pm here, I should get to bed, I know!

For the whole summer I've been just wanting to be near someone. I wish I could just snuggle into someone's arms and fall asleep next to them. I wish had some to kiss and hug and hold close to me. (And now you think: "WHAT? She hasn't got a boyfriend??? How's that possible?!?! She's so sweet!") And now I'll tell you a little secret: I've never had a boyfriend. (Please read this to the end, then you can faint)

Usually I don't mind it, I'm just fine as a single, I can do what I want, see the people I want, make my Own decisions of life etc. etc. But for this summer I've just seen happy couples walking hand-in-hand, hugging and kissing each other or happy young families or pregnant women. And especially: Lovely Old Couples walking hand-in-hand and looking like they're still Soooooooo in love! That's just too sweet! I want to be like that too when I grow old... But do I have someone to grow old with? Not right now. To be honest, I don't have a lot of belief in love anymore. I crush on wrong people and then I'm so supine that I can't even look into their eyes or even Think of telling them how I feel.

Last summer I made clear to one guy that I really Really REALLY liked him... But the whole thing screwed up and all that I got was a bad taste in my mouth and broken dreams. And hate. It took a year for me to forgive him Everything and not to feel sick when I think of what happened between us (nothing THAT dirty!!!). But I still don't feel like seeing him again. He made me feel like I had some chances to have him my boyfriend and then just broke everything. He hurt me. I don't want to be his friend, I don't want to see him again in the next ten years!

So right now I feel lonely. Well, if it makes me feel any better, none of my closest friends isn't dating anyone either. But they have! I haven't. And my experiences from kissing are disgusting!

So what do my little green men in my head say?

Derby: She would have had MANY men if you had just let me roll it!
Winnie: Oh shut up, she's so shy and supine that she'll Never get a guy who'll like her! Admit it! Nothing would change even though you would make her to flirt and hook up with everyone....
Kitty: Seriously, you're both wrong! Because-
Lady M: That's right! She doesn't Need a man! They're just horny assholes!
Kitty: That's not what I meant...
Peter: Come on guys! You're talking like guys were just like some candies, you can just pick up one or more or then just start a candy strike. Or like we men were just animals that can be chained into zoos!
Michela: Yes, boys can be very romantic and loving and protecting to someone they care of... Sigh...
Peter: And she's just looking for a prince to save her from her tower of dreams... *facepalm*
Poppy: I want a prince!'
Lady M: No you don't. Let me tell you about the reality of men and relationships...
Kitty & Derby: You're not telling her anything!


Others keep on arguing and yelling to each other, meanwhile...


Milly: Hey, Michi... 
Michela: Yes?
Milly: Umm... Could you help me with this...
Michela: What is it?
Milly: Well, I wrote a letter to Kevin, but... I've already sent one to him. He hasn't replied... So should I send it now or wait until he replies and then write a new one... And what if he doesn't reply at all?
Michela: Well, umm... I recommend you to wait until he replies IF he replies. If he doesn't... Well... Umm... *whispers embarrassed* I don't know....
Milly: Oh...


Liptzy: Okay!! I suggest us to ask from Miss G! She's the smartest one! She knows everything!


Everyone turns their head to Miss G


Miss G: Well... I agree with Peter...
Peter: YEEEEEES!!!
Miss G: ...BUT I also think that none of us should put their nose into Her lovelife!
K, D, W, LM & P: *disappointed* Ohhh....
Miss G: So that's it! And now everyone to sleep!


That was for me too. Here's a (so-called) "good-night-song" for you people:


Peter & Gordon - World without love

(Gotta admit: I'm crrrrazy about guys with glasses and red hair!)

The voyager is back to stay!

Yes, yesterday I came back from Estonia. It was pretty fantastic. It was kind of a road trip. And how it went? Well, first my little siblings were weeping, complaining and sulking almost the Whole trip, the second day our car Broke Down and the two final days I felt sick. But we got our car fixed and we carried on to the South from Tallinn. Beautiful beaches, unbelievably warm and sunny weather (here it's been just raining), nice food and good-looking guys, sleeping in tent, listening to irritating whining, having horrible head-aches and collecting sea-schells, that's what my holiday mainly was made of. The second last day was just rain rain rain rain rain rain rain and rain. And what did I do? I played mini-golf with Mum in a place called Vembu-Tembumaa. It's kind of a fun park or something. Then on the last day I FINALLY went shopping!!! But I mainly bought just souvenirs for my friends. And pair of yellow pants and two CDs for myself. And in the "from Tallinn to Helsinki" ship I got crazy and bought candies candies candies and candies! Like Skittles and M&M's. But there were so many things that aren't sold in here (anymore). :<

So now let's my sweet little darlings say a word...

Lady M: Thank God it's over!
Michela: *just dreaming* The three boys there... Oh...
Kitty: You miss 'em?
Michela: What? OH! NO! Nonononono! I was just thinking!
Derby: Oh, C'mon Michi! Admit it! You crushed on each one of them and now you're sad cause you'll never see them again!
Peter: Please, Derby! Don't start that now! I'm too tired!
Sepi: Oijoijoi, se oli kyl se Saarenmaa Niiiin niin nätti paikka! Menneehä myö sinen viel joskus? Ja se ravintola oli niin tunnelmalline ja nätti! Ja se Tallinnan vanha kaupunki! Mie oon kyl nyt niin ihastunu toho paikkaa!
Liptzy T. Kits: Yes, it was a place woth visiting...
Peter: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU APPEAR?!?!?
Liptzy: I've been here quite a while, tromper!
Kitty: Okay, koay, kalm down Both of you! So Liptzy, how long will you stay this time?
Liptzy: Well, I just arrived form Moscow, so-
Kitty & Peter: YOU CAME FROM WHERE?!?!?
Kitty: I thought you were in Paris!
Liptzy: I didn't say I Wasnät there! Pierre just broke my heart so I couldn't stay there....
Derby: And who's PIERRE?
Liptzy: A gay artist who said my painting was bad... Snif..
Kitty & Derby: Seriously.... Sigh...
Winnie: Did you really think he was her Boyfriend? You gotta be kidding me!
Liptzy: You thought so? I don't date guys! Ugh!
*Kitty and Derby faint*


So the family's the worst, right? (Remember, Liptzy is Kitty and Peter's cousin)


Paul McCartney - No more lonely nights

^^And that's just randomly added song which has nothing to do with the things I've been talking about. :D

See you again mates!

I'm so fed up with this!

Hello. I didn't say that, it was Lady Madonna something like two months ago. I just found some conversation  which I had written in May when our class was on the beach.

What Had happened before that: one guy from our class asked one girl to go play beach volley with them and said that some guys will take their shirts off...

Derby: Oooh, shirtless men! Go and see!
Lady Madonna: NO, Absolutely not!
Derby: Go away, Granny!
Lady M: Well, I am just here trying to keep this girl in order!
Derby: She won't do anything! Or what are you thinkin'? That she's gonna jump into bed with some of those weirdos from her class? C'mon!
Lady M: She's a teen! You never know about them! Come Poppy! We're going on a vacation! To Valaam Monastery to Russia!
Poppy: Nooooo... I'll stay here!
Lady M: Poppy...
Kitty: Let her stay. Sepi looks after her. Or Miss G.
Lady M: Hmh! Well, just keep her away that Slut!
Derby: SLUT?? Are you-
Kitty: I'll take Poppy to G and Milly to the library!
*Lady Madonna leaves*
Peter: Nhow we're thogether...
Poppy: Yaaaack! He's talking with a sausage in his mouth!
Derby: Wonder if it's his own or someone else's...
Peter: *starts to laugh so hard that the food blows out of his mouth*
Winnie: And here we have a gentleman...
Kitty: Yep... And that's who they call my brother... Sigh...
*Derby and Peter just laugh*


So my little sweet hearts are quite... special... I'm getting a bit embarrassed because of them sometimes... Sigh... 


I actually don't have anything clever to say right now. I'm just thinking how good my hair smells and when will I see my crush again... I wish in August... Oh, I'm using quite a lot dots in here, hehe. Yeah right, veeeery funny. 


Well, here are songs which... 
makes me smile: Jedward - All I want is you
makes me think very profoundly: Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah
makes me cry: Kaj Chydenius - Laulu kuolleesta rakastetusta (I'm sorry, it's in Finnish. But it's "A song of a dead lover")
makes me dream: ABBA - I've been waiting for you
makes me feel extra-super-sweet and sentimental: Nat King Cole - L-O-V-E

Aaaand... Maybe there's now enough this silly stuff. See you next time (whenever it will be...) :D

When a heart skips a beat

How to handle changed feelings to a person that you've known your whole life? You've seen him just once or twice a year. Every time you've seen him, he's changed a little. But still he was the samo person. But you didn't understand that he was a teenager cause you were just a little girl and didn't know about such things. And every time you saw him again after a year it was always so exciting -sometimes had to run and hide from him. But as years came you didn't play anymore with him, sometimes talked something but that connection between you two is starting to fade. Then you don't see him in two ears. You lie in your bed -in the living room- and he suddenly appears there. You get nervous and shaky and just pretend that you read the book in fron of your face. You just realize that what you feel is the same old shyness and nervousness... but why does it feel so much harder?
 
That's what happened to me. I'm really afraid that I've got a crush on my dad's cuosin. It's annoying. I can't be normal if he's in the same room as me. I start shaking, my heart starts rushing and I think I might get a little blushed... I'm afraid that some day it will reveal what I feel! And that's NOT what I'm looking forward to! That would be amazingly Embarrasing. Right?
 
Couple days ago I went to see some historical thing with him and his mother and I was so nervous that I couldn't even get a proper sound come out of me. And he said something about the area where we were and what was my answer? WHAT WAS MY ANSWER?? Nothing. Nothing proper. Just something like "mh.." or "um.." or anything as stupid. After that e didn't say anything to me. During this trip I've said to him just a couple words... That's distressing! Tomorrow I'm leaving here... And then the next time I could see him is... Actually somewhere in July-August. I hope. But after that. A year? Oh shit. Or maybe it's a good thing cause I might forget these feelings then. Or not. Or something, I DON'T KNOW!

Meanwhile inside my head...

Lady Madonna: What is she just crying after a guy? It's just going to break her heart again... Sigh...
Derby: Oh, Shhhut up! How can you say?? Huh? You've never even been with a guy...
Lady M: And can you be so sure?
Derby: Oh come on....
Kitty: Krhm... Actually...
Derby: What? Oh... Don't say she was there with that asshole last summer!
Kitty: I didn't say anything...
Derby: Yack! You two are Disgusting!
Peter: Well, you made her hitting on him...
Derby: You should have let me handle him 'til the end!
Winnie: Oh, what are you just raging here? Seriously, forget about it, she'll never get him. You Know it!
Derby: Shut up! Nothing's impossible!
Winnie: No, nothing's Possible!
Milly: Girls please.. Don't, he's not worth it...
Derby: Oooooh, Milly! I saw you writing on this one day something -Blushed! Who was it for? *winks*

Milly: Oh... N-n-n-no one...

Kitty: Milly? Did write something? You got Someone? *winks*
Milly: Oh, please, don't... No... I don't have...
K & D: Tell uuuus, Milly!
Lady M: GIRLS! Let her be! If she says there is No one, then it means there is NO ONE!
Michela: *whispers to Milly* So you did write the letter to Kevin?
Milly: *whispers back* Yes...
Michela: *shouts* GOOD!
Derby: What is good?
Michela: Umm....

Sooo, let's leave them arguing about it. I'm trying to shape up. But I want to see him today before we leave tomorrow... I hope they come to see us. I guess he's sleeping now cause he was working the whole night.

So for the end I'll just put some song... This one
Olly Murs - Heart Skips a Beat ft. Rizzle Kicks


And also this... It's been in my head for a while... Hehe...
Reproduction from Grease 2


Yup, I think this is it, see you again soon! :D

Warming up

So here I am! Writing something completely insane non-sence and maybe something a bit cleverer also. These are just silly thoughs of a young girl, weird dialouges from my head and music. I try to write every time something smart. But sometimes it just happens that I'm out of my mind and just say whatever comes to my mind... Please, forgive me that. But I'm sure I'm gonna have fun! And I hope you do too. :)

Well, this time I could also introduce the little people inside my head. Someone might call them "alter-egos", but to me they're like... my own children of something. They're made of my moods and feelings and sometimes it feels like they have their own will and thoughts... Kinda creepy, huh? So here they are:

~  Kitty Splitz - "the boss" of the gang
~  Peter Shade - Kitty's twinbrother, nasty perv, complete opposite of the sister, the dark side
~  Lady Madonna - mother of the gang, hates men and Derby
~  Poppy - the youngest, curious of everything (I'm not sure if she's Lady M's daughter...)
~  Derby - man-eater, close to a slut... oops! Thinks Lady M's a real square
~  Miss G - the smart one, "teacher", the idol of Milly
~  Milly - the good school-girl, quiet and conscientious, I think she's got a little crush on one Kevin...
~  Winnie - pessimist, depressed and thinks everyone's better than her... Actually a very funny and nice one! (music-lover)
~  "Sepi-täti" = "Auntie Sepi" - non-English-speaking person who loves to talk... and talk... and talk... and talk...
~  Liptzy T. Kits - Bohemian artist, living here and there (not home very often), Kitty and Peter's cousin
~  Michela - romantic one, dreamer, sweet girl who likes everyone -and everyone loves her!

 So here they are, I'll introduce them more later. Just hoping that they won't make you go as nuts as I am... Hehe.


Okay, I think I'm finished this time, welcome to Michela's Mystery-World! (That's not what it really is...) I hope you will enjoy your trip... Or something... Well, to the end I'll just put some song... Hmm... What could be okay...

 Doris Day - Everybody loves a lover

I like the Finnish version of this... If anyone has intrests, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-uyT3k2ovY

Oh yes! I almos forgot, here's my dear friend's blog, she's the inspiration of mine: 
Ebony Darkshadow's Summer Blog 

 So thank you and bye so far!